Tuesday, April 12, 2005

"Running Scared" / "Runaway" ("Dave Armstrong is a Coward and a Chicken" Theme Songs)

Lately, we have been blessed with more than the usual storehouse of anti-Catholic folly: what Malcolm Muggeridge would have referred to as "fathomless imbecility." Having decided to cease trying to dialogue with anti-Catholics in January, I am currently being accused (despite my 301 posted dialogues: many with esteemed anti-Catholic luminaries) of intellectual cowardice and lack of confidence in the Catholic position.

This is (we are told) "proven" due to the profound, supposedly unanswerable attacks from Steve Hays, a seminary student, who seems to think (mistakenly, as it were) that he is some sort of expert on Catholicism (Link One / Link Two / Background Info.), and knows more about it than I (a professional, published Catholic apologist) or Scott Hahn or Karl Keating do. The comedic possibilities here were simply too rich to pass by. It wasn't in me to resist (halfhearted apologies to the humor-challenged among you). In fact, there was so much potential for mirth and hilarity in these surreal circumstances, that I couldn't possibly contain it in one song parody, and had to do two.

This (by now, quite predictable) tactic from our anti-Catholic friends is a continuation of the desperate, groundless motif begun by James White and Eric Svendsen in January, which led me to do another similar song-parody about the illustrious, inimitable Bishop White: Fun, Fun, Fun (it was sure fun fun fun doing that one! LOL) . Previously, I had created a take-off theme song devoted to Eric Svendsen (quite the original one himself): I Am a [the] Rock (profuse apologies to Paul Simon and Brian Wilson).

First, let's run through a brief overview of the ludicrous comments / accusations, and then have a good time with some parody and satire, which deals with what these folks think (or, one might say, wish) about me (and always remember: underneath good parody or satire is a serious point being made):


(affectionately known on my blog as "Alexander the Bait")

God bless Steve Hays. One more Reformed theologian who's smarter than me… (Dave, he busted you to the core of your RC converted being.) Busted you and your church.


Dave, your refusal reeks of fear. If you saw red meat in what Steve Hays has written you wouldn't care if he was the most famous 'anti-Catholic' jihadist on the planet.


I see this disingenuousness in your debating style all the time, Dave. It's obvious you know what your doing when you write these things. Obviously the standard for honesty is low because your church hierarchy itself has a low standard for honesty. That and the fact that your church's doctrine is indefensible other than in an arena where full-blown post-modernist tactics and rhetoric - or just non-serious, fallacious performance overall - are unassailed and carrying the show.


(I believe, a second one, based on vastly different writing styles; funny how so many Protestants who comment on my blog wish to hide their real -- or full -- names)

. . . Dave, I know you're a little skeerd of the guy . . .


My sense is you back away from opponents with sharp swords who know how to use them and take on people who only provide you with red meat served up. As I stated earlier, if you saw any red meat in what Hays has written you'd not care if he was the most famous anti-catholic in the world.


The problem with all that is you approached Hays' writing first. Then you responded to his response. Then you saw his initial response and his 'Papal bull' post and you tucked your tail between your legs and cried "anti-Catholic!' as a justification for running away.

Roman Catholics can't stand their ground when a capable Protestant theologian or apologist chooses to take you seriously and force you to defend your ground. You may have had a thousand dialogues (which I believe you've been charged with editing after the fact, by the way), but the pattern here is a James White confronts you and you retreat, then a Steve Hays confronts you and you beat a similar retreat . . .

When you are confronted with truth have the courage to recognize the truth rather than run from it.


Steve Hays

But to judge by this reply, whenever Armstrong gets into a dogfight he can't win, he pushes the little red button on his ejector seat labeled "anti-Catholic," and parachutes out of his flaming, nose-diving plane.

. . . Anyone can play this game. A Mormon would say that I'm anti-Mormon. A psychic would say that I'm anti-astrology. That's a great bullet-dodging device.

(Leaky Buckets Redux: 4-11-05)

Running Scared
(Roy Orbison and Joe Melson)
(original lyrics)

Just runnin’ scared
each blog I surf
So terribly afraid
they'll steal my turf
Yeah, runnin’ scared,
not of slander or libel
But of noble anti-Catholics,
refuting me from the Bible

Just runnin’ scared,
feelin’ low
Runnin’ scared,
they love truth so
Just runnin’ scared,
afraid to lose
If Steve came back
the hills I'd choose

Then all at once, Steve argued there
So sure of himself, blowing hot air
My boldness was fake, excuses for to flee
He exposed Rome's lies and preached the Truth to me!

(Del Shannon)(original lyrics)

As I mock along,
I wonder what went wrong,
With my logic, that wasn't all that strong.
And as I insult on,
I think of foolish things I've done
in my head, a-while my age was young.

I'm a-talkin' in my brain,
Words are fallin' and I feel the pain,
Wishin' you were debatin' me,
To end this misery
And I wonder--
I wah-wah-wah-wah-wonder,
Why, why, why, why, why, why you ran away,
Yes, and I wonder,
A-what lies you'll say-ay,
You Papist runaway,
Rome, Rome, Rome, run, run runaway.

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